I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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