No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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