I faked an abortion last night.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize