i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
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If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
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He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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