She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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