I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
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Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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