i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
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Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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