This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
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Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
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I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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