WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
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I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
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At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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