it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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