He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
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Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
there is another microwave in the elevator.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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