I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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