you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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