Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize