Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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