last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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