BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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