I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize