I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
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His hands were made for my vagina.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
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Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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