The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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