i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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