I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize