i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
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Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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