I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think I am morally bankrupt
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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