I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
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Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
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Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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