Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I intend to get homeless drunk
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Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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