The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize