: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
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The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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