So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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