The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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