My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
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I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
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