And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
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Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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