I wish I could teleport
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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