I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
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You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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