it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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