she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
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I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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