marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
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Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
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I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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