true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize