Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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