I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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