I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
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It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
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The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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