You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
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I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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