i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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