Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize