it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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