How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
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My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
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I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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