so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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