I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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