I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
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His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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