It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
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You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
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Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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